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When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears

with their tedious diatribes about how hard

things were. When they were growing up; what

with walking twenty-five miles to school every





ways. yadda, yadda, yadda


And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,

there was no way in hell I was going to


a bunch of crap like that on my kids about

how hard I had itand how easy they’ve

got it!


now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I

can’t help but look around and notice the youth

of today. You’ve got it so easy! I

mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a

damn Utopia!


I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t

know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the

Internet. If we wanted to know something,

we had to go to the damn library and look it up

ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write

somebody a letter – with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street

and put it in the mailbox, and it would take

like a week to get there! Stamps were 10


Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents

beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents

of all my friends also had permission to kick

our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters or iTunes! If

you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike

to the record store and shoplift it


Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off

the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over

the beginning and @#*% it all up! There

were no CD players! We had tape decks in our

car.. We’d play our favorite tape and

“eject” it when finished, and then the tape

would come undone rendering it useless. Cause,

hey, that’s how we rolled, Baby!


We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting!

If you were on the phone and somebody else

called, they got a busy signal, that’s it!

There weren’t any freakin’ cell phones either. If you

left the house, you just didn’t make a damn call

or receive one. You actually had to be out of

touch with your “friends”. OH MY GOD !!!

Think of the horror… not being in touch

with someone 24/7!!! And then there’s

TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please!

You kids have no idea how annoying you


And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the

phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It

could be your school, your parents, your boss,

your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection

agent… you just didn’t know!!! You had

to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn’t have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games

with high-resolution 3-D graphics!

We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space

Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your screen guy

was a little square! You actually had to

use your imagination!!! And there were no

multiple levels or screens, it was just one

screen… Forever! And you could never

win. The game just kept getting harder and

harder and faster and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!  

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to

find out what was on! You were screwed when it

came to channel surfing! You had to get

off your ass and walk over to the TV to change

the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no,

what’s the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only

get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you

hear what I’m saying? We had to wait


for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to

heat something up, we had to use the stove!

Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play…

all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to

soothe and comfort. And if you came back

inside… you were doing chores!

And car seats – oh, please! Mom threw you in

the back seat and you hung on. If you were

luckily, you got the “safety arm” across the

chest at the last moment if she had to stop

suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard,

well that was your fault for calling “shot gun”

in the first place!

See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You

kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled

rotten! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five

minutes back in 1970

or any time before! 


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